Sweet Child of Mind

  • Posted: January 8, 2011 and this post was last modified April 3, 2011.

I am always thinking. My mind never really shuts off; even in my dreams, I usually experience lucid dreaming more often than not so I can work through my thoughts at times! I ponder life often. I think about how short it is in the scheme of eternity and how so many people are content with their day-to-days even though most are just living to die; they work hard so that they can have a nice send-off I suppose? I understand the idea of saving for retirement and providing for our loved ones, but we do not have to become complacent to do so!

If we treat each day like it our last, we are confident. After all, if tomorrow never comes, I can say and do whatever I want today without consequence. If tomorrow never comes, we can have all the fun in the world today. If tomorrow never comes, we love a little more, appreciate a little more, and try to leave a [good] lasting impression on those we leave behind. If we treat each day like our last, the gray fades, and we are honest and raw with each other. We all have our own self-doubts and hang-ups, but it is what we do with them or in spite of them that makes life better. If tomorrow never comes, I hope you know I love you and that I made some sort of [positive] impression on you.

If we ponder life further and really justify our actions as setting the stage for a better tomorrow, then we should be working for that better tomorrow. We should be uplifting others, standing up for ourselves, and enjoying all that life has to offer because if any one of us is wrong about what happens after this life, we can at least know that we lived this one to the fullest. One shot guys! Just one shot to love hard, play hard, and live hard. One shot to be a friend.

I want to have kids some day. At least one, but prefer more. And I think about what I would do if my child were being bullied. What would stop me from not going up to that school and just putting a bully in his place? How would I even know? How would I create a relationship with my child such that they would trust me enough to confide in me? What signs would I look for that they would even be in such trouble? How do I raise my children to be better than me?

Perhaps I should be thinking of these things when I actually do become a parent, but I love people. I love people. I love people. I genuinely care about people. It pains me to know that people can get to the point where they think that they must end their life. I know the feeling of wanting to end it all, and have attempted it myself, but by the grace of God, I am here and with a better outlook. It is not that suicide is the easy route or a selfish act either; if you have never been in ‘that place’, you cannot really judge. The mind is a powerful tool; when it starts to turn against you, it can be hard to regain control. When everywhere you look, you see signs that you should not be here, and the people that are supposed to be there, just aren’t there at that exact time you need them, it can be hard to take the reigns and believe that life is worth living. The mind is a powerful tool.

The bully knows this more than anyone; after all, it is the one place they usually target heavily. If they can get in your mind, they can reach everywhere else. They can control you. They can consume your thoughts. Literally turn you against yourself. A good bully is smart; he gauges who he can bully with just how well he can get in your head. How do I raise my child to believe that they are valuable on their own merit, and not the merit of their peers?

We are hard wired to want to be with others; we seek out love and companionship and consider someone to be quite popular if they have a lot of ‘friends’. It is only natural that we feed off others, react to others, look up to others, and rely on others to tell us how to live our life. But we need to break that type of bind and thinking; it’s wonderful to love and be loved, but to lose yourself in the process takes away from the ‘feeling’ of it all. And that’s what we all want in the end: to feel. To have felt something. To love and be loved.

My heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones due to being bullied. I pray that I never have to know such tragedy on a personal level. I hope that we can find a way to rid our schools, workplaces, and online institutions of such bullies.

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